What
is a Conversation Partner?
A
conversation partnership occurs when an American student and an
international student meet together regularly to help each other in a
variety of ways. Each
conversation partnership is unique and reflects the personalities, needs and
goals of both partners. However
for most, the first goal is the improvement of the international student's
English. As an English-speaking host, the American is responsible for
initiating the partnership and for helping with English.
Why
Be a Conversation Partner?
Because
we are whole people with physical, emotional, social and spiritual, as well
as intellectual concerns, conversation partnerships can naturally develop
into friendships where many non-academic needs can also be met for both
people. Conversation
partnerships are an excellent way to lovingly serve internationals as God's
Good News calls us to do. Internationals
feel a deep need to learn English well.
Their academic success depends on their ability to read, write and
understand English. After
getting a good education, the second major desire of most internationals is
to make one close American friend, though few are successful.
Many internationals criticize Americans because they only offer a
superficial friendship. Conversation
partners can offer deep and lasting friendships.
Of
course, international students aren't the only ones who benefit.
The inherent benefits to Americans are many.
One gets to see the world (current events, politics, distribution of
wealth, war, family, relationships, values and beliefs, etc.) through the
eyes of a different culture. This
can affect one's ministry priorities, use of resources, career goals, choice
of friends and even day-to-day lifestyle as one becomes more exposed to the
variety in God's creation and begins to act on God's intentions for it.
Further, conversation partnerships are a wonderful way to experience
the joy of being a servant for Christ's sake.
A
Christian conversation partner must consider the spiritual implications of
the relationship. Christians
learn to walk closer with their Lord and Savior and can help others to trust
Him as well. As Christians help
their partner with language and genuinely care for them as friends and whole
people, they will also seek and discover opportunities to help people who
are ready to enter the kingdom of God.
Further, growth results as each person struggles to incorporate
different views into personal existing cultural guides and to determine
where and how cultures and true Christianity relate.
This is essential to Christian maturity.
What
Are the Requirements of Conversation Partners?
The
first requirement is a willingness to give yourself and your time.
Friendship to most people from cultures outside North America is much
deeper than most American "friendships."
Conversation partners are expected to meet at least once-a-week for
an hour to help meet the goal of language learning.
But American partners should be aware that one hour a week does not
constitute a friendship. Three
hours a week (talking, studying, eating or sharing leisure time) is a more
realistic minimum for friends who really want to "be there" for
each other.
A
second requirement is the Christian's willingness to pray and care for a
partner's felt needs and for the Holy Spirit's work in his or her life.
Finally, the Christian conversation partner should be willing to take
the initiative in 1) deepening the friendship, 2) seeking opportunities to
sensitively discuss spiritual things and the Good News, 3) entering into the
international's network of friends perhaps with another conversation
partner, 4) starting a Bible study with these new friends and 5) inviting
them to culturally sensitive outreach events.
How
to Get Started
Many schools already have a conversation partner program. If so, participate in it while getting more training in the
cultural and spiritual dimensions. If
no program exists, start one. Getting
the support of people in your campus' international and language offices
will really help.
Conversation
partners can get further help from the "English as a Second
Language" textbook section of most libraries.
Literacy Volunteers of America has a two-week evening training
seminar in tutoring. Helpful
books include: "Tutoring ESL Students" by Marian Arkin, Longman
Press, 1982; 19 W. 44th St., New York, NY 10036 and "Teaching English
as a Second Language" by Paulston and Bruder, Winthrop Publishers,
1976; 17 Dunster St., Cambridge, MA 02138.
Be
Sensitive
Realize
that these men and women were top students in their native language.
Be sensitive to their feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, etc.
Watch for nonverbal clues of frustration and be ready to encourage
and reassure.
Be
Patient
Don't
be afraid to repeat things often. Have
realistic expectations of what your friends can do. (Remember when you took a foreign language?)
Be
Enthusiastic
Give
them genuine and frequent encouragement.
However, don't tell them everything is great if it isn't—be
selective in your praise. Don't
be afraid to correct mistakes. Most
students want and expect this.
Be Creative
Use
your imagination. Your sense of
humor can be one of your greatest assets.
Think of ways to make tasks into games.
Be
Informed
Find
out about your friend's background and culture. Use resources which will help you become a better tutor.
Be Adaptable
Be
willing to put aside some cultural expectations of the "way things
should be." Be willing to
change your agenda, pace, etc. to meet your friend's particular week-to-week
needs.
Be Loving
Pray
for your friend's salvation and progress.
Look for ways to serve outside of your weekly meetings.
Ideas
for Your First Conversation Partner Meetings
1. Find out how to pronounce and spell
their names. Help them do the
same with yours.
2.
Ask questions. A
sensitive curiosity will supply plenty of fuel for long and fruitful
conversations. Some ideas: Why
and how did you come to the United States?
How long have you been here? Where
are you from? What part of the
country? What is it like? (Bring a map.) What
is your family like? Do you
have pictures? (Bring pictures
of your own family.) What did
you study in your country? What
languages do you know? What is
your favorite food . . . sport . . . holiday . . . TV show . . . in your
country? In the United States?
Why? What is your
religious background? What is
the traditional religion of your country?
What has been most enjoyable so far about your experience in the
United States? Least enjoyable?
3.
Find out what particular things they would like to work on during the
conversation time and ways they would like to practice their English.
4. Be informed and willing to talk
about current and historical political situations.
5. Be ready to answer questions about
your culture without arrogance or defensiveness.
Questions
for Getting to Know Yourself and Others
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to
listen, slow to speak." James
1:19.
Active listening is essential to understanding and to building
relationships. Listen to and
care for your new acquaintances, to get past superficial relationships to
meaningful ones. Asking
significant questions is essential in knowing others well.
Intent listening also helps overcome difficulty in understanding
another's language.
Encourage your friend to tell about themselves, their family, their country
and their beliefs. This is
therapeutic for their loneliness and also teaches you much about their
personal concerns as well as the culture of their people.
Don't always ask questions, of course.
Share about yourself, your family, your culture and your beliefs.
Participate in activities with their friends and their national
group. Together, attend
programs about their country. Perhaps
they have pictures of their family or slides of their homeland they can show
you. You could also listen to
their music or learn a dance from them.
General
Questions
What is the most childlike
quality you have retained?
If you could re-live one day of your life, which day would it be?
What book has made the greatest impression on you?
What person has been the most influential (positively) in your life and why?
Of all the material possessions you have, which one gives you the most
pleasure?
What is the most sentimental possession you have?
If you could have one day off unexpectedly, how would you spend it?
What is there about yourself that you joke about most frequently?
What was the best advice you ever received?
Complete this statement:
"One thing I missed during my childhood was ."
Complete this statement:
"One thing I miss from the location where I grew up is ."
What was your favorite room in
your house when you were a child? Why?
Share some of the things that happened there—sights, sounds, people
who came there.
Family
and Background
(These
important kinds of questions often reveal why people are the way they are.)
Name (first, middle, last) that
you go by.
Where were you born and raised?
Describe each member of your family (personality, interests, looks, etc.)
briefly.
What is your father's occupation? Your
mothers? Do they enjoy their
work?
Did they both work as you grew up? Did
your family eat and talk together at least once a day?
How well do your parents relate to your brothers and sisters and to you?
To each other?
How do your brothers and sisters relate with each other?
Who do you communicate best with in your family?
Why? Worst?
Why?
What does your family do together regularly for entertainment?
Where do you go together?
Describe your best friend and tell why that person is your best friend.
Personal
Thoughts and Feelings
(These
questions delve into how people feel about themselves and their goals.)
What is one positive thing you
enjoy and like about yourself? (Many
people do not have one. One of
the hardest issues for students is learning to accept themselves.
When you tell them positive things about themselves, do they push it
aside, thank you graciously or respond boastfully?)
What do you like to do in your
spare time? (Often there is a
strong tendency to define who we are according to our jobs or positions.
One's spare time reveals real interests and some of one's personality
and lifestyle. These help us
get to know them and find out points where we can relate the Gospel
according to specific needs and personality.)
Why did you choose to come to ?
What do you hope to gain from your time here at ?
What kinds of music do you enjoy?
What holidays do you observe and how are they observed?
Cultural
Questions
How do people greet one another
in your country?
What are your customs when eating? What
are your favorite foods? What
foods are not eaten in your country and why?
I've heard so much about (a
person or current event from that country).
Can you tell me more?
Keep the conversation positive. Ask,
"What do you like about (a county, culture, practice)?" rather
than, "What do you dislike . . .?"
What family games do your people play?
What holidays do you observe and how are they observed?
Belief
Questions
What, if any, is your religious
background? How committed are
you personally to it? Why or
why not?
Do you believe there is a God? What
is God like? Can one know God?
How? Do you know God?
What is the nature of man? If
humanity is basically good, why do people often act so wickedly or
immorally?
What do you think is the correct basis for determining right from wrong?
Why?
Where do evil and suffering come from and how, if at all, can they be
overcome? How do you hope to
overcome them in the world? In
yourself?
What is the biggest problem in the world today?
How, if at all, can it be overcome?
What part do you hope to play?
What is the meaning of history? Is
there life after death? If so,
what is it like?
What do you know about Jesus and Christianity?
What are your impressions?
Have you known any Christians before?
Have you ever read the Bible?
What do you think a real Christian is, and how does one become one?